the reawakinging of a dream thought to be lost...

so much has happened, so much has changed, alot has not changed one bit in my mind... and i hope it never does, for this love we share is still so huge and real and people still envy it... how could i give up the hope on something so amazing... it would be stupid...and im done being stupid!!

after several months, my love came back into my life... i couldnt ignore it, i couldnt fight it in anyway so i embraced it with out any thought whatsoever...

we now chat every day like we did for the 3-4 years we were together... almost like nothings changed!!! gives me hope that there will be better days in the not to distant future, and having hope is a good thing sometimes... im not gonna lie to you, i have prepared myself for the worst but its not a deterant for me to keep the hope alive and strong inside me... for i feel very strongly that this is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with!

she is still my best friend in the whole world, even now with all the complications we have standing between us, trying to keep us apart... but i trust her with my life! and i have patience in me that i never had before... it all just shows me that this girl is the one!

I LOVE YOU HAZEEEE BABEEEE !!!

a tribute to hazee babee and the love we once shared

love hurts so bad.....its possibly the most painful thing i have ever experienced losing, not to mention i brought it upon my self!

not many people get to meet there dream girls,i for one can say i have, i was unluncky enough, and over my own insecurities, to have lost it, gone forever............
this girl i never wanted to be away from, we did everything together, i mean everything you can think of and more, eat, sleep, create, bath, dream, live, love, talk! we spent alot of time relaxing on the beach, chilling in the park meeting up with friends, watching movies...real love!
she accepted my son, as if he was her own....god i wish how she was his mother....
nothing could tear us apart for such a long time, it only right that it hurts so bad now that its gone!
we complimented each others lives in such a way that everyone around us envied what we were, they all wanted what we had and people loved being around us,the vibe we put out was incredible to even people who didnt know us, this kind of love you dont find often and some people maybe never...i hope that i do but right now im not feeling optimistic about it.

iv tried everything in my power to get her back but she has moved on in her heart and because i love her so much i have to force myself to finally accept it...i dont want to cause i hold hope that she will miss what we had, but like i said im not feeling optimistic about it anymore...mutual friends, my family and hers all are unhappy about this..but what can they do,what can anyone do when your heart has moved on, i only hope that this happens to me soon too....

right now i wish i was a robot, totally emotionless and cold, im clearly not that type of guy

-jason

our dreams....

Our dream was to make a home
you wanted big, I was keen for small
Our dream was to have children
you wanted a boy, i prayed for a girl
Our dream was to stay together
you were committed, I was scared of nothing....

now im committed and you are gone....

whats wrong with me?

i felt these words as if i had said them myself ...

"When I think about you not being here with me (I actually think about you all the time), it makes me sick to my stomach. I miss you so much it physically hurts. Whenever I talk about you, I feel a knot in my throat. I can't picture myself with anyone but you. And time goes by and does it's cray thing but, how I feel doesn't change, it never goes away, even when I hate you for leaving me, for not loving me enough, it doesn't weather. How I cried myself to sleep wishing I could feel you close to me one more time. How I wish I could just stop feeling because it hurts so much. I want to move on, I want to walk away and just remember you every now and then as someone I was fond of. I'm tired and frustrated because I don't understand you, I don't know what it is that you want or feel... sometimes I think you don't even know that yourself. I can go and conquer the world and make my wildest dreams come true but, in the end you are not here. I feel as if I lost a part of me, you took and I want it back. I play it cool, I cry when no one sees me, I dream of you. I'm in hell."

you already know....

i wish it was...

she was my best friend. That one person in my life that truly meant everything to me. I knew that no matter what I did or what I said, she always accepted me for who I was. she loved me no matter what. And not just like a friend....

no need for words...

jus being around this girl is enough to make me happy....i know that everyone we know feels the same way, she just has that effect on you...

this picture was taken in 2007

Hazel Lynn Volker

so to begin this blog off i am gonna introduce you to the love of my life…..Hazel Lynn Volker!
few people are as lucky as me to have met the love of there lives, there dream girl, the one who fills the void in there soul, i am one such lucky person…no girl could ever compare to hazel!!!

Hazel is, to put it simply, amazing….
we met though a mutual friend, online, my space to be exact ( i know what you thinking… ). We started talking. It was... great. We talked about everything, and bonded over everything. I knew straight away that this girl is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with….. She's attractive, of course. And smart, and talented, thoughtful, caring. She's that girl you want to hate for being so amazing but in the end you just end up loving her for it, thats what happened, i love her!

She's my closest friend, and honestly, i don't think i could talk to anyone as easily as i can with her ( i know what she would say to that though.. ), to spend eternity with her at my side would not be long enough...

-J